Surviving February 14: How to Act Like You Don’t Care About Valentine’s Day (While Very Much Caring)
Well here we are again, the most dreaded day in every single persons calendar, February 14th. A day where all social media wants to show you is the happy couples, the cute heart shaped pizzas and don’t even get me started on those dang teddy bears.
Like seriously, don’t get me started on the mental state these teddy bears send me into when I see them in shop windows (Image Credit: Flowers Caufield/Google)
Now I don’t mean to sound bitter, ok, maybe a little bit, but look when you spend your days - and lets be honest nights, scrolling on the dating apps to only get requests for hookups, and I’m going to be honest the more I’m on these apps the less these requests come through, it makes you feel worse than sloppy seconds. It makes you feel unlovable.
And I know what people say, “oh you’ll find it when you least expect it” “love is just around the corner for you” “I was so much happier when I was single” The irony is that this advice always seems to come from people that are in relationships, and I get it, its well intentioned, but it just doesn’t help, so kindly from your chronically single friend I would ask you to zip it when it comes to the dating advice ESPECIALLY on Valentines Day.
It’s not that I don’t feel loved, I do, I know I am loved by my family, my friends, my dogs and even myself, but that empty void of being completely and utterly loved by a partner, someone to do life alongside seeps its way to the surface from time to time, and that time is especially prevalent on Feburary 14.
When I was a kid I wasn’t too phased with not having a boyfriend or girlfriend, in fact my parents taught me the importance of finding my own self worth outside of a partner, and in turn it made me very independent, probably too much for my own good. I am grateful for those lessons don’t get me wrong but when you are reaching 21 and never been in a romantic relationship of any kind it makes you feel like a bit of an outsider.
Even if I didn’t have the cliché highschool boyfriend I have always loved the idea of love. I am a quintessential hopeless romantic. Some of my favourite things to do are read romance books or watch Pride and Prejudice reruns, so trust me, there is no-one that loves being in love more than me. In fact I’m pretty sure I have a playlist called “I think I’m in Love” buried deep in my Spotify history somewhere.
So what do you do, if like me you find yourself alone on Valentines Day? Well, first off, you need to feel all the emotions, the good, the bad, the ugly. Too often we are told that we need to enjoy our single years, and it is painted with this single brushstroke that being single gives you all the independence you could ever dream of, and it does sometimes, but sometimes if I’m being completley honest being single absolutely sucks, so don’t worry if you had a little cry in the shower this morning you wouldn’t be alone - to my neighbours I apoligise profusely for the Celine Dion renditions.
Then after you feel all your emotions, I want you to indulge in anything that makes you feel happy, for me that is usually doritos, a bottle of wine paired with my favourite rom-com, Bridget Jones is typically one I will go with in this season, a woman that is unapologetically herself, and yes while she does end up with the man in the end, she shows all the facets of what singleness entails.
The thing I love most about Bridget is how she is unapologetically herself, in my mind Bridget Jones is more than just a story of how the girl got the guy, on a deeper level it is how a girl learns to learn and love herself, a lesson that has been greatly helpful in the last couple of years in my own self love journey. (Image Credit: Bridget Jones Diary/Working Title Films)
Let me be clear, I am not bashing on those who wish to be single. This spew of word vomit is mainly for those who have always been single, for those who constantly feel like they are the second choice, or merely an afterthought, for those who spend entire work days swiping mindlessly on the apps hoping that your Prince (or Princess) Charming will come riding in on a white horse to whisk you away, for the hopeless romantics who have been told that reading fiction books have been setting their standards too high when the reality is some days you wonder if anyone will think of you in a romantic light.
Ok wow, that got a little personal; this was actually just meant to be a survival guide for the chronically single on Valentines Day. But I guess there isn’t really a piece of advice that will actually work, because human emotions aren’t as simple as fixing a car tire. So to all those that feel chronically single and detest the idea of Valentine’s Day, I’m not going to tell you how to feel, however you need to feel today is valid and normal, but believe me when I say this, Valentine’s Day isn’t always flowers, chocolates, and… teddy bears. Sometimes it’s crying in the shower, drinking a little too much wine and going to bed early, and that’s completely fine. So whether today is a special occasion or just another day I hope you have a good one :)
If you’ve gotten to the end of this thank you. Thanks for letting me be so vulnerable with you all, I know this is a little different to what I usually write, but I figured I should sometimes write things that don’t make the mainstream media news cycle, and instead write things that are more personal. Because I know if I am feeling like this, a few of you are bound to be too.
